How to legally insider trade 101: Join Congress

You wake up at 5am. You put on a hard hat or a badge or scrubs. You drive to a job that doesn't care if you slept. You do it again tomorrow.
You've been putting $100 a month into your 401k since you were 26. You don't pick stocks. You buy an index fund because that's what they told you to do.
You get 8% a year if you're lucky. That's the deal. That's what regular people get.
Some months you check the balance and it's down and you feel it in your chest. That's your kid's college. That's your retirement. That's every time you told your wife "not this month."
You don't get to cheat. You don't know anyone. You just keep putting in the $100.
Congress doesn't play by those rules.
September 2008. Lehman Brothers just collapsed. The Treasury Secretary and the Fed chairman pull congressional leaders into an emergency room. So classified they take everyone's phones at the door. They tell the room the entire global financial system could collapse in days.
Congressman Spencer Bachus is in that room. He's the ranking member of the House Financial Services Committee. Literally the guy in charge of overseeing Wall Street.
He walks out. Next morning he buys options that pay double when the market crashes.
Sells days later. Profit.
Same year, the Pelosis are sitting on shares of Visa they got at the IPO. She blocks a credit card reform bill. She's working for her bags. Visa pumps 2x. She makes bank. The market crashes 15%.
10 million families lost their homes. Housing dropped 27%. $4.2 trillion in household wealth just gone. Your parents' house is underwater. Your retirement is cut in half. People are losing everything.
Nobody in Congress lost anything.
Zero prosecutions. No consequences.
So what'd they do? They did it again.
January 2020. Classified Senate briefing on COVID. Most Americans haven't even heard the word yet.
Senator Richard Burr walks out and writes a public op-ed. America is "better prepared than ever." Everything's fine folks.
Then he dumps up to $1.7 million in stock. 33 trades. One day.
Your portfolio was at an all-time high that week. You didn't touch it. Why would you. You trusted the people running the country.
Two weeks later Burr is behind closed doors telling rich donors the truth. This virus is "much more aggressive than anything we've seen in recent history."
He told you it was fine. He told them to get out.
S&P 500 drops 34% in five weeks. Your savings of 20 years wiped in half. Just gone. Obliterated.
You're sanitizing groceries in the garage wondering if your parents are gonna make it.
Senator Kelly Loeffler is reallocating millions after her classified briefing. Senator Feinstein's husband dumps up to $6 million in late January.
1.1 million people died. And four senators were trading on classified pandemic briefings.
No hedge fund had that intel. No pension fund. No financial advisor. Nobody. Just them. Just the people in that room.
DOJ opened investigations. Quietly closed all of them. Burr finished his term. Retired with a full pension.
You buried your grandmother and watched your retirement account crater. They sold at the top.
Now look at this.
Your savings grow 8% a year.
Average hedge fund, where you need a million bucks just to get in the door. 6 to 11% a year.
Top 50 hedge funds on the planet. Smartest money alive. Billions in computing power. 12.4% a year.
Warren Buffett. Greatest investor who ever lived. 20% a year.
Nancy Pelosi walked into Congress in 1987 with a portfolio worth $700,000. She's worth $240 million now. Her net worth is 40 times her entire lifetime government salary. 350x return.
In 2024 alone her portfolio gained 71%. The S&P did 25%. She beat all of them. Every hedge fund. Every quant. Buffett. Everyone. On a government salary.
Before they get power their returns are normal. After? Their trades start predicting earnings announcements before they happen.
ITS A RIGGED SYSTEM.
You get 8%.
They get whatever they want. Because they write the rules.
ABOVE THE LAW.
PERFECT CHEAT CODE.
Now think about this.
What if you insider trade once, whether on purpose or by accident?
A guy in Houston overheard his wife on a Zoom call about a company acquisition. Bought stock. Made $1.76 million. FBI showed up. Two years federal prison. Career gone. Wife gone. His lawyer told the judge he will never work again.
Martha Stewart. Avoided a $45,000 loss. Five months in prison.
Max sentence for insider trading is 20 years. Median is 30 months.
The penalty for a member of Congress who violates the STOCK Act. $200.
$200 fricking dollars.
78 members violated it in the last Congress alone.
Nobody got prosecuted.
Number of members of Congress ever prosecuted for trading on legislative knowledge in the entire history of the United States. Zero.
86% of Americans want to ban congressional stock trading.
Can't even get a vote on it.
Because the people who'd have to vote for the ban are the ones making money off it.
This whole economy. $30 trillion. Built by the people waking up early and putting in the $100 a month and wearing the hard hat and the badge and the scrubs.
You built it. You played by the rules. You got 8%.
535 people who never built a thing in their lives are skimming the top with information they didn't earn and immunity they gave themselves.
That's the system. Its pure crime. Hypocrisy of the highest level.
Insider trading for me. Prison for thee.
So you want to insider trade and maybe pay a $200 fine? Join Congress and work for your bags.